This is a story about 3 guys… no, not Ir Bir Phatte! The three guys in this story are… well let’s call them for the moment, ‘A’, ‘B’ and ‘C’. Ok so this is a story about ‘A’, ‘B’ and ‘C’!
Act I – Scene 1
Once upon a time, there were two “best friends” - ‘A’ and ‘B’. They were truly the “best of friends”! In fact, their friendship was as “best” as friendships could possibly be! They had practically grown up together. You would never ever see one without the other. They were friends for joys and for sorrows; for life and for death!
[Track plays in the background: “Ye dosti hum nahin todenge… todenge dum magar, tera saath na… chodenge!”]
Act II – Scene 1
Seasons change. Sceneries change. And one day, A met this third person of the story, ‘C’. It was ‘love at first sight’ for him. No one knows why or how, but it was! Even B could sense immediately that his best friend A was hooked completely by C.
A [like a love struck teenager]: Sighhhhh! Kitni pyari baatein karti hai yaar!
B [disapproval written on his face]: Pyari nahin, bahut saari baatein karti hai!
(What? You think I’m writing about Sholay? Read on…)
Act II – Scene 2
With repetitive discouraging remarks (such as the above) from B, A tries hard to keep his heart in its place (sub-sternal, center thoracic, superior to the stomach with the apex on the left), but it, nevertheless, keeps trying to leap out into C’s thoracic cavity!
Act III – Scene 1
By now, B is beginning to feel that his crown is slipping away – the crown which he had carried uncontested, for the last 30 odd years or so. He’s not ready to give up the throne – not ready to give up his best friend… so he does this…
B goes upto C’s “Mausiji” with a marriage proposal for C, on A’s behalf.
Mausiji: Bura mat manna, magar itna to poochna hi padta hai… ladke ka khandaan kaisa hai, uske lakshan kaise hai, kamata kitna hai?
B: Kamane ka to ye hai Mausi ki ek baar biwi bachon ki jimmedaari sar pe aa gayi, to kamane bhi lagega!
Mausiji: To kya abhi kuch bhi nahin kamata?
B: Nahin nahin Mausi… kamata hai… lekin ab roz roz aadmi jeet to nahin sakta na, kabhi haar bhi jaata hai bechara… ab ye kambakth jua cheej hi aisi hai…!
Mausiji: To kya juari hai?
B: Chee chee! Woh to bahut hi nek aur shareef ladka hai Mausi… lekin ek baar sharaab haath lag gayi na, to kahan achche-bure ka hosh rehta hai! Haath pakad ke bitha liya kisine jua khelne, to ismein uska kya dosh hai!
Mausiji: Thik kehte ho… juari ho, sharaabi ho, lekin uska koi dosh nahin!
B: Mausi aap to mere dost ko galat samajh rahi hain… ek baar uski shaadi ho gayi to woh us gaane waali ke paas jaana band kar dega bas! Sharaab apne aap chhoot jayegi…
Mausiji: Hai hai! Bas yahi ek kami reh gayi thi?
B: To ismein kaun si buri baat hai Mausi! Arre gaana sunne to Raja Maharaja aur oochen oochen khandan ke log jaate hain!
Mausiji: To beta, ye bhi batate jao ki tumhare ye “gunwaan” dost kis khandan ke hain!
B: Bas Mausi, khandan ka pata chalte hi hum aapko khabar kar denge!
Mausiji: Ek baat boloongi beta, bhale hi tumhare dost mein sau burayi hon, magar tumhare mooh se uske liye sirf tareefein hi nikalti hain!
B: Ab kya karoon Mausi, mera to dil hi kuch aisa hai! To ye rishta pakka samjhoon main?
Mausiji: Pakka? Bhale hi ladki jindagi bhar kuwari baithi reh jaaye, magar main aise aadmi ke saath uska byaah hargiz nahin karoongi! X-(
Mission successful! B manages to show A in such bad light, that there’s no way now C would agree to marry him! Meaning that B could now have A all to himself… just as always!
(You still think I’m talking about Veeru, Jai & Basanti? You need to continue reading in that case…)
Act IV – Scene 1
A refuses to give up his love for C. It’s now a matter of life or death for him. So he climbs up a 70 feet high water tank & threatens to jump down from there & commit suicide [Jab angrez log marte ho to usko soosaad bolte hain!] … if he is not united with C forever!
Act V – Scene 1
C agrees to marry A, Mausiji also agrees to let them marry each other… and B tosses a double-headed coin, chooses “heads” and dies… taking all the other “bad guys” in A & B’s life with him!
[Track plays in the background: “Ye ishq na mit payega, tu ishq mein mit jayega… Hai ishq mein mitna aisa… koi naya janam ho jaisa! Kambakth ishq hai jo…”]
(Ok… so now you think I’ve moved from Sholay to “Pyar Tune Kya Kiya”? Hahhh! Well substitute ‘A’, ‘B’ and ‘C’ now with “Man”, “Ego” and “Woman”.)
Man & his Ego… inseparable. In comes the Woman. Man falls in love with her. Ego knows his position is threatened even before Man realizes he’s in love! Ego knows this instinctively! And also that he must die if their Love is to live. And so, Ego fights for survival... against Love!
At first he tries to make the Man dislike the Woman -- “She wears yellow for God’s sake! Now who in the world wears that shade of yellow?” -- and most love stories, thus, end at Act II–Scene 1.
For the ones that move on to the next scene, Ego then plays the Act III–Scene 1… “She hates cream on the cake? Oh good! Let me apply just one thin layer on it in that case… ok, one more then… and a strawberry one too… just to make sure...!”
Majority of the rest of the love stories die at this point... for you'll rarely find a Veeru in reality, who has the guts to make it to Act IV–Scene 1... against the incessant efforts of his “best friend”, Jai, to screw up his love life!
And yet, those who DO make it to the “water tank” make it to the very end, when eventually, the Ego has to die for Love, “for neither can live while the other survives”…!
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