I Have…

Saw this idea on Neelabh's blog... liked it... & so tagged myself with it! :-D

I have...

ironed my hand

stuffed an almond up my nose

been a “tree” on stage

been slapped in class

recited a 3-page-long poem in front of the entire junior school at the age of 11

worn the games skirt of my seat-partner in class, who was half my size

bunked classes in school and college

opened a children’s library in colony with membership fees & all

celebrated Christmas around a real bonfire

boasted of over-2-decades-old-friendships with people

got accidentally locked up in a bathroom at my best friend’s wedding

wrestled with a 6-foot-3-inch tall sardar, actually believing that I could win

told a school teacher –“I told you so”

dropped boiling-hot, concentrated sulphuric acid on myself

talked to plants… sung to them too

played the slot machines at a casino in a foreign land

passed out ‘coz of low BP in the most amazing style possible

walked into a clear-glass door in front of people watching

called an elephant a dog; called horses dogs too

been off to Delhi without my family knowing about it

got drunk on vodka, and immediately called up my Dad with pride, to inform him that I couldn’t walk straight or talk straight

talked to computers

sleep-talked and sleep-walked

gone to office wearing purple suit, black chunni & green sweater

given crank calls to a friend of a friend

set off to unseen places on my own… & got lost on the way

left the car keys in the car, and then tried to pick the lock

received an unexpected applause for a solo in a boys-vs.-girls antakshari

played antakshari with myself

screamed & spilled food over myself while watching a scary movie

cried till I laughed & laughed till I cried

bunked office with 6 other team-mates and celebrated my birthday

had a noisy all-girls sleepover at a friend’s place when her parents were out of town, keeping the neighbors awake till past midnight

sung romantic duets with a handsome hunk

won an election

accepted a marriage proposal

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Memorabilia-II: Poets in the Making

This post is for my old friend Sabs, with whom it was originally written in fact, when we were both in class 8th (1991-92). And then it eventually got published in our school magazine the following year.

The strange thing is that Sabs stayed in our school for just that one year, and yet, even that short period of time was sufficient to forge some everlasting bonds between us!

The post… it’s entirely in Hindi, so I’m afraid not all my readers will be able to understand it.

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“हमारा कवियत्री बनने का असफल प्रयास”

जब हम अपने कवियत्री बनने के असफल प्रयास को स्मरण करते हैं, तो हमें रोने के साथ-साथ हँसी भी आती है. रोना इसलिए कि हम अपनी कवियत्री बनने की अभिलाषा को पूरी न कर सके, एवं हँसी इस बात को सोच-कर आती है कि इस चक्कर में हमने कैसी-कैसी ऊट-पटांग कविताएँ बना डाली!

अब हम ठहरे गरीबों में से एक – शब्दों का अभाव हुआ. प्रमुख उद्देश्य ‘rhyming’ शब्द बनाने का था. जैसा सोचते, वैसा लिखते गए.

सबसे पहले हमने सोचा कि बड़े से बड़े कवी भी प्राकृतिक सौंदर्य का वर्णन करते हैं… तो हम भी किसी से कम थोड़े ही हैं!

प्रकृति में फूल के महत्व की कोई शंका नहीं. तो हमने सोचा कि हम भी फूल की ही प्रशंसा करेंगे. दो दिन और रात हमने फूल के बारे में सोचते हुए व्यतीत कर दिए. परिणाम आपके सामने है…

“सुन्दर फूल”

ये हैं सुन्दर फूल कैसे?
हरे पत्ते मेंढक के जैसे.
पंखुड़ियाँ गंगा सम पीली,
ओस के कारण हो गयीं गीली.
दिन भर भौरे मंडराते हैं,
बेसुरा गीत अक्सर गाते हैं.
(बेसुरे गीत का फूल से क्या ताल्लुक है,
इसे हम आज भी नहीं जान सके!)

परन्तु ये कविता हमें अपने स्तर की नहीं लगी. इसलिए हमने सोचा कि हम कोई दूसरी कविता लिखेंगे जो कि दूसरों की कविताओं से भिन्न हो.

भाग्य की बात है कि उस दिन हमने एक भूत की कहानी पढ़ी, और हम पर भूत की कविता लिखने का भूत सवार हो गया! भूत की कविता बनाने के हमारे जतन का फल देखिये…

“खेत और प्रेत”

यहाँ पर है एक खेत
इसमें रहते भूत-प्रेत
वो रात को आते हैं
चूहों का मांस खाते हैं
इस खेत में है एक पेड़
जिसमें रहते भूत डेढ़ (१ ½)
मतलब एक है बाप मोटा
और उसका बच्चा छोटा

जब हमने अपनी तैयार की गयी इन कविताओं को फिर से पढ़ा, तो हमें ये कुछ जँची नहीं. हमें ये अत्यंत ही निम्न स्तर की कविताएँ लगीं. तो हमने सोचा कि अब हमें वस्तुतः कोई अच्छी कविता बनानी चाहिए, जो कि अद्वितीय हो, और जिसकी लोग प्रशंसा करते थकें नहीं. तब हमने अपने ये “बडबड गीत” ईजाद किये…

“बडबड गीत”

एक था राजा, एक थी रानी
रानी थी अंधों में कानी
हरदम पीती थी वह पानी
करती थी अपनी मनमानी

एक था लड़का, नाम था “खान”
खोली थी रद्दी की दूकान
करता नहीं था ठीक से काम
बढ़ा दिए थे सबके दाम

एक था लड़का, एक थी लड़की
दोनों में थी लड़की बडकी
उनके घर में थी तब कडकी
मनपसंद जगह उनकी थी खिड़की

मैंने एक को मारा था
दुसरे का चढ़ गया पारा था
तीसरे ने जोर से मारा मुझे
और वो भी मुझसे बिना पूछे

बम ढम बम ढम बम ढम भोले
गाँव के तांत्रिक जी बोले
जल्दी लाओ गरम गरम छोले
वरना पड़ने लगेंगे ओले

ये थे मेरे “बडबड गीत”
कैसे हुए आपको प्रतीत
हालांकि आज के ख्यालात के हैं बिलकुल विपरीत
फिर भी हैं न बढ़िया मेरे ये “बडबड गीत”?

इस मालिकतुकड़े, यानी की ‘master piece’, के निर्माण के बाद हमें मिलना तो चाहिए था इनाम. परन्तु मिला क्या? जूते!

बाद इसके कविता के लिए
उठाई नहीं हमने कलम
याद रखेंगे इस घटना को
हम हर वक़्त और हरदम!

धन्यवाद.

. . .

Here's more in Memorabilia and in Poetry!

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Ladies First!

Ever wondered why and wherefrom did the concept of “Ladies first” come into existence? Well, I have. And I’m proud to announce to the world now that I have finally solved the mystery regarding the origin of this concept! [bows gracefully to the loud general applause]

It so happens that the idea of “ladies first” has its roots going back in history right to the point of the original creation of man and woman! In fact, it stems from the very fact that God created women first, and then went on to create men!

And how do I know this for a fact?

Well, isn’t it obvious?

God created women… the body, the 5 senses, the intellect, and the rest of the works you know… and in the end, He gave them brains.

Then he created men… their body, their 5 senses… and by the time He finished with their eyes, these “still developing” males spotted the females standing huddled together a short distance away.

Do I need to bother penning down what followed next? Oh alright then…

The men all rushed towards the females, with gaping mouths and eyes going “ga-ga”… and in all the confusion that followed suit, the rest of the creation process of God went completely haywire!

What was actually supposed to be “common sense” turned into insane amounts of “sexual hormones”! And by the time God started distributing brains to the men, there were hardly a handful of them left in the queue, for most of the lot was busy trying to impress their female counterparts in the other group!

End result: To this date, men can’t find themselves a pair of clean socks, and yet they steadfastly refuse to take directions!

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Memorabilia-I: The KISS

Ok, so I couldn’t help including this picture in my blog as well! Guess I’m insanely attached to it! And I have every right to be so too! I had to put in a considerable amount of man-power (that’s “sheer physical strength”), combined with the regular dose of female-cunning (read “emotional blackmail”) to get this wall poster in my possession!

Currently, this poster occupies the prime place in my bedroom, meaning… “right behind my bed, at the very centre of the wall”… and is the cause of many “raised eyes” and “heads turned” (mostly at the fact that I can pin-up such an image in my room staying with my Dad)! [Gives a wicked grin and a wink to go with it!]

The USP of this photograph: the second pup from the right… apparently trying so hard to get a “closer” look… he he! Will somebody please tell the little kid that “curiosity killed the cat”?

The pup: But the cat has 9 lives.

Somebody: But you are not a cat, you are a pup.

The pup: Oh yeah! Let’s re-play this scene then.

Somebody: Ummm ok. Curiosity killed the cat.

The pup: But I’m not a cat, I’m a pup! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…!

Moral of the story: He who laughs last is a pup!

. . . . .

Here's more in Memorabilia!

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Let Go...

An extract from one of my old blog posts, “Relationships”…

How do relationships come into existence by the way? Two people met. One was bold & confident. The other was gentle & giving. They spent some time together & decided they make a good team together. So they became friends. Two more people met. One was witty & humorous. The other was organized & helpful. They decided to become friends too. Another two people met. One was wise & wanted to help others with his wisdom. And the other was going through some tough times. They had reasons to benefit from each other too.

And thus I sat down and analyzed all the various relationships I have been in so far & have seen around me till now. And I realized that each person in my life came in for a specific purpose. Each of my friends, relatives & family members had a role to play in my growth & development… just like I had a role to play in theirs. And once that purpose is fulfilled, we just "move on".

Why do I mention this again now? ... because I’m at a stage in life where I’ve got to emphasize on the “moving on” part.

Two people might decide to transit together to the next phases of their lives respectively… or, in other words, they may assume different roles with each other than what they were previously accustomed to. (For example, parents, when their children become old enough to look after themselves, become more of friends rather than guardians.) But if one person chooses to remain stuck in the same old role, thereby holding back the other person's growth too, then it definitely IS time for the latter to move on.

It reminds me of something someone once mentioned to me…

When Gautam Buddha returned to his parents’ house after becoming enlightened, his family simply refused to acknowledge him as anyone different from the “Siddhartha” that they had been familiar with.

Well, I have moved on to the next phase of my life…

That birthday reminder email, that I sent out to my entire address book last January, marked the precise “point of cross-over” to this new phase (or rather, the “old” phase… because this is what I have always been till I got stuck somewhere along the way).

The old “KADDU” is back… and the “KADDY” is now erased… gone into oblivion for good! “Kaddu” is very different, in fact, quite the opposite of what “Kaddy” was. And therefore, the ways of relating to “Kaddu” are also different from what people who knew “Kaddy” are accustomed to. Accordingly, they need to adapt themselves. It’s simply no use trying to pretend that I’m still “the same old Kaddy” and treating me the way they have been doing for so long. That “Kaddy” is not coming back… ever!

Lots of people have helped me through this transition, and most of them are aware of my gratitude for them. Some have spontaneously assumed their new roles in relation to “Kaddu” (as though they were practically waiting for this to happen!) … while some others are still reluctant to let go of “Kaddy”, for the various needs she satisfied for them.

This post is my request to those people who have known and loved “Kaddy” to “let her go” now. I no longer wish to be held back in the old roles.

P.S. - Comments are ON again... although they'll still be moderated. And yeah, "anonymous" comments are no longer allowed now. (Sorry dude! Guess you'll have to enter your gmail ID & password each time now! He he! :p)

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Pink! Think I'm in Love!

Once upon a time (not so very long ago), yellow used to be my favorite color... the color that brought a smile to my lips even on the gloomiest of days! Now, it's place has been taken by pink... for the last couple of months now, in fact!

My yahoo messenger is pink - both the skin and the font. And I have developed this strange liking for the baby pink t-shirt that my sister brought for me from Delhi. I also seem to find myself, more often than usual, wearing that other pink kurti I have, which isn't that pretty a shade of pink, but, is, nevertheless PINK!

Unfortunately, I dropped a few drops of liquid bleach on it by mistake, so the pink is now tainted with a few spots of white, which, as you can probably guess, renders it quite useless for wearing outside the house, but that doesn't stop me from wearing it at home! :-D

Oh and luckily, my sister brought another kurti for me back in April, which is also kind of "tomato-ish" shade of pink... so that one has taken the place of the partially bleached one now.

Wish there was more pink around me though... like the walls of my bedroom, which are currently a shade of creamish-yellow... or my computer table, which is white... or the curtains, which are some combination of cream & brown (wish I had the "select & replace color" feature of Adobe Photoshop in real life -- would have replaced the brown with a pastel pink like THAT!)... or even pink bedsheets & pillow covers...!

Actually, that last bit can be managed I guess... I'm sure I must have a pink bedsheet in the house... I know there is a set for dad's bed, but, he's definitely not going to let me usurp his bedsheet set! Hmmmm! Will rummage around in the cupboard tomorrow.

In the meantime, some pink fantasies... pink flowers, pink scented candles, more pink dresses...

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